Missed Communication

Meanwhile...Outside of Utah

2009-11-30T08:26:00.002-07:00

Over the Thanksgiving Break I had the opportunity to venture back home to Montana for the week to take in some quality family time and the great outdoors. I noticed as I was walking down the streets of Dillon (population 7000) that folks seemed eager to make eye contact and say hello. I thought his odd at first, as I had just returned from Provo, where eye contact is rarely made and hello is a foreign word that we can't understand.

This phenomenon got me thinking that the lack of communications between passersby could be connected to the population of a communication. It could be, and I am merely guessing, that the more population there is the less interest in the fellow man there is as well. I think this is a fairly decent explanation for what I experienced.

Keep up on your own research and let us know what you find on the Facebook page!

-Mitch

It Takes Two To Make a Thing Go Right

2009-11-19T18:53:00.001-07:00

I have always said that things are only awkward if you make them awkward. As often as possible, I try to make things not-awkward. I’ll smile at people I pass and I say hello to people if I think I know them. Hopefully, I do this in what is thought of as a “normal” manner.
Despite these efforts, I still encounter far too many awkward communications. So often the other person will look away even as they say hello. Other times they ignore my greetings entirely.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it takes two to exchange a pleasant moment of communication, but it only takes one to make it unbearably awkward. What is it that has made this so commonplace in our society? Why do we refuse to be comfortable exchanging a simple everyday greeting?
So, the next time greets you, how about going easy on them and not making it awkward.
-Nova

Defying Fate

2009-11-18T11:37:00.002-07:00

I am a firm believer in fate. Unfortuanately, my cowardice sometimes blocks that fate from ever occurring. Yesterday, as I walked into my huge Political Science class I decided that I would enagage in the awkward and sit somewhere new by someone completely different. Well, I was early enough to class that the room was still pretty empty. I picked the emptiest spot I could find and sat myself down in the hopes that by leaving plenty of room around me plenty of people would sit near me.

Of course, one of the cutest girls that I have come across in quite a while sits right in front of me. You would think with my bold assertion of being awkward yesterday, I woul have taken the initiative and starting chatting with her. Well, of course, that didn't happen. I sat there silent for the whole class period.

Later that night, we were required to go watch a documentary for that same class. It so happens, only about 30 of the 300 people from class actually showed up and this cute girl happened to be one of them, and of course, she was sitting right next to me again. Again, I believe in fate, and when you run into the same person more than once in the strangest of circumstances it is for sure fate working in your favor. But like I said sometimes my fate is obstructed by my cowardice. You guessed it, I "missed communication" again and probably jipped myself out of a date on Friday night.

Let's all try to learn from my mistakes and take a larger step into the world of awkward.

-Brodie

Day of Awkwardness

2009-11-13T19:25:00.002-07:00

Oh boy was today ever filled with awkwardness!

In all honesty I didn't feel well today so I didn't do my part to make things awkward, but of course that didn't prevent an awkward moment from happening. Of all places for this to happen, it happened in one of my most tiring classes. I sat all by myself in an empty row today, partly because I was being anti-social, and waited for someone to come sit by me. No longer than two seconds later a guy came and sat nice to me, right next to me. I expected that someone would at least give me a seat between us, being that there was an entire row of empty seats, but he sat right next to me and asked "how are you?" I replied "Fine. How are you doing in this class?" I watched as the guy searched for a response, obviously thrown back that I skipped the casual how are you and went straight into the nitty gritty of reality. He replied, after hesitating, "not well," and continued to tell me in depth of how he had been doing on assignments and tests.

While this wasn't a normal awkward situation like the scenarios that are discussed in previous posts, I still feel that it is important how awkward we can be if we skip past the casual and ask questions that mean something. I didn't do this on purpose, I was just grumpy, but I do think it is interesting that I was able to make a stranger become completely candid about grades to me by simply cutting through the simple.

Be sure to let us know your "Day of Awkwardness" experiences on our facebook group.

-Mitch

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both..."

2009-11-12T21:28:00.008-07:00

So I had a strange and semi-awkward experience in my Doctrine & Covenants class. Everyday, me and my two homies sit in the back row. We're pretty legendary among our classmates for volunteering ourselves at every opportunity to read aloud, lead in a song...pretty much anything and everything. Earning us the distinction of "class pets." Well, before the class bell rang Professor Dorius (our instructor) approached us as we were chatterboxing about our weekends...

Professor Dorius: "Geoffrey, I thought you were the good one out of you three."
*Bewildered look graced my face*
Me: "Uh, what are you talking about Dr. Dorius??"
Professor Dorius: (Turning to my two friends) "Well, you know I passed him the other day walking on campus and he didn't even say hi to me. Can you believe it?"

Of course he said it jokingly...then later joked about my grade reflecting my negligence, but I was altogether just drawn aback. Being the nerd that I am, I usually find great entertainment value in approaching my teachers around campus with an awkward hi-five or handshake. After class, I asked him why he didn't just approach me first then..

Professor Dorius: "Well, you looked like you were in your own world and so I choose the higher path and let you go your way."
Me: "Hmmm, well next time you should take the road less traveled and say hey..."
*Both laugh*

What is this "higher path" to which he referred? That bothered me for about 2 minutes, until I was pleasantly distracted by some other entertaining thought. But that's beside the point. Obviously I must've been absorbed in something awesome when Professor Dorius saw me on campus, but evenso was it "noble" to avoid communication in the circumstance? Maybe, maybe not. I stand by my comment though that sadly "the road less traveled" is communication in seemingly awkward situations.

It's my personal philosophy that "awkward" is a mentality. Inherently a situation cannot be awkward, but rather we ourselves impose it.

In my discussion with Brother Dorius, I alluded to one of my favorite poems by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken. I think the last stanza really captures my perception of Dorius' "higher path":

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Communication makes a difference, no matter what the circumstance. In my opinion, we need to modify our perception of "awkward" in order to realize sincere and meaningful communication.

-Geoffrey Simeona

"Hold on, I really need to take this..."

2009-11-04T14:06:00.002-07:00

My name is Geoffrey Simeona and I answer fake phone calls. Every once in awhile, we see that one person on the planet that we’d rather NOT talk to...I’ll call her Ms. X. Everyone has one. I’ve been sick with the flu for the past week, so I was already in an uncomfortable and awkward state-of-mind when I saw Ms. X. As she approached me in the Library, I quickly switched my phone to silent under my backpack and “picked it up.”

Me: “Hey Jackie, what’s up? I’m just in the library. Blah blah blah blah…”

Ms. X stopped in front of my table until I made eye contact.

Me: (under my breath) “Hey how are ya? It’s way good to see you.”

Ms. X: “Yeah you too! I’ll try and catch up with you in a little bit.”

I know that’s probably the lamest, most jellyfish thing to do…but everyone does it! Or am I alone in this? In previous cases where I’ve answered fake calls, I’ve always been walking and not been in the mood to really talk to anyone…yet not wanting to seem rude at the same time. What’s your perception? Would you consider fake phone conversations/fake texting a rude or considerate means of preserving communication? Share your experiences.

-Geoffrey Simeona

Forcing Awkwardness

2009-11-03T00:24:00.002-07:00

Today in my Communications Media Writing class I was issued an assignment to interview three complete strangers (for the sake of extra-awkwardness I did four) and find something about them that is unique. I found that at the beginning of walking around campus looking for someone to interview I couldn't get over the shyness that no doubt would normally hamper my efforts.

I remembered that I really wasn't being awkward by approaching a stranger, in fact the action would be completely the opposite if I hadn't been caught up in the societal status quo of indifference. After realizing this I was able to interview folks with ease and found that I enjoyed what I was doing.

Maybe we should interview someone new everyday. Just an idea.

-Mitch

Get Off Your Island

2009-10-29T18:55:00.002-06:00

The poet John Donne said, “No man is an island.” While human contact is not yet completely unavoidable, it seems that more and more people are choosing to cut themselves off. Whether it is through technology or simply through the ignoring of others, people seem to be breaking off from the mainland and instituting their own islands of isolation. More and more, I see people forego a simple ‘hello’ in favor of walking past, eyes fixated on the ground. I think it’s time to go back to the not being an island way of things. Human interaction is an essential part of society. By interaction I do not mean facebook or texting or email. I mean face to face conversation, whether it’s just a few words or a full blown discussion. I know that even the simplest of greetings often makes my day a million times better. Saying hello does not have to be awkward or weird. So, please, the next time you pass someone on the sidewalk smile or say hello and observe how they react. Probably, they will smile back and go on to a better day.

-Nova Stakland

Breakdown Does Not Beget Breakdown

2009-10-27T10:51:00.002-06:00

Picture this, if you will. You are driving home and your car breaks down two blocks from home. As you are stranded in the middle of the road at 1 in the morning, some friendly BYU students stop to push you into the nearest McDonalds parking lot. You lock your car and hope that it doesn't get towed. The next morning you make a phone call to see how much it would be to tow your car to an auto shop.It's $40 just for the tow. Before you have it towed there, however, you walk down to McDonalds just to make sure that your car hasn't already been towed and impounded.

As you walk, you find the holy grail: an auto shop right next to McDonalds! You walk in and get things taken care of. As you are waiting a friendly stranger strikes up a conversation with you: asks if your a student, where your from, and of course, what's wrong with your car. As you leave, the friendly stranger tells you to have a good day and flashes a pretty big smile your way. SUCCESS! Even though your car broke down, communication did not! Let's all try to be a bit more like the friendly strangers this week!

-Brodie Smith

Upcoming Videos

2009-10-24T12:04:00.002-06:00

Soon the study will be posting videos of awkward communications. Stay up with us and hear what random people have to say about their experiences with missed-communication.

On a side note; If you're walking down the sidewalk and see someone you know don't say hi, just make eye contact and walk on by. See for yourself what makes missed communication so awkward!

-Mitch

Elevator Confinement

2009-10-20T00:43:00.004-06:00

Do you hate stairs? Let me guess, you love the elevator, am I right? Let’s chat elevator talk. I would much rather take the elevator than climb up those thousands of steps to campus. You get all sweaty, you’re out of breath, and you wish to never experience that again. Therefore, you choose to take the elevator. Sure it’s awkward, sharing a 4.5ft X 6ft X 7ft box with a complete stranger. Both breathing each other’s oxygen and sharing the space in that small box. Sometimes smashed up against someone you do not know. But it beats taking the stairs, doesn’t it?

Waiting outside of the elevator. I look right and left, perfect, no one here. 4… 3… 2… I check my phone, plenty of time to get to class. My elevator has arrived and two people walk out. I enter quickly and press my floor number as well as the “close doors” button. A hand appears out of nowhere and stops the doors from closing. A fellow student walks into the elevator with me. I try to look at my elevator companion without turning my head. I utter not a sound when accompanied in the elevator. I would never think to strike a conversation with this stranger in such a confined box. Why? Why am I so shy to make small talk with my elevator companion? I am not generally such a shy individual, chatting with others usually comes easily. But when inside that box, I would never make a sound. What if I were to get stuck for hours in that elevator with that one stranger? How do elevators make you feel? Does your instinct to communicate shut down when those elevator doors close like mine do?

-Nena Smith

The Silent Bus Treatment

2009-10-18T14:12:00.002-06:00

You are waiting at the bus stop. You have finished the day of classes. You’re sitting on the bench quietly yet your mind continues to race with thoughts about homework, projects, quizzes, tests, maybe even work as you leave campus. Day in and day out you notice the same people waiting like you for the same bus. The guy you have seen numerous times with his bike. The girl with the trendy haircut, bangs pulled to the opposite direction. The single mother with her baby and stroller. The guy that speaks only Spanish and dresses in the trendiest clothing. The girl with the pink backpack always on her cell phone. Do you know their names? Do you know where they are from? Do you know anything about them? Nope. Just that every day they are riding the same bus route at the same time. How could it be that someone you see almost every day is an absolute stranger to you?
The long and silent wait for the bus. The even longer silent ride on the bus. A simple smile is extremely rare and a simple nod is asking a lot. Why is everyone always in an uninviting daze or glare. Why is it that people don’t engage others while riding the bus? The same route, the same people, the same results. Books are open, head phones on, cell phones out but you are hard press to find a healthy conversation anywhere.
I am interested to know why this is the case. Please post your reasons and justifications to why you feel we do this?

-Cody Sprecken

Fight or Flight

2009-10-14T21:07:00.001-06:00

Walter Cannon used his “Fight or Flight response” theory to explain the reaction of animals to potentially threatening situations. When applied to the awkward and exciting social atmosphere of your average BYU student, we find interesting parallels and insights to communication.

For example, just last week I was at the Cougar-eat around noon (the busiest and worst possible time to want to grab a bite there) standing in line with a friend to get a chicken burrito when I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a girl that I remembered from my Shakespeare class last semester. We weren’t close friends, but we weren’t complete strangers. I was behind her in line, so I noticed that she kept checking back for me. Did she want to initiate a conversation? Should I say ‘hi’ or just brush off the encounter entirely? Would I be sincere in wanting to know how here semester is going or would it just be a nuisance? Fight or flight? This interested me. What motivates me to say ‘hi’ to some acquaintances or just continue not acknowledging their presence?

Plato theorized that, “wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” Are we that profound in our interactions with people? Probably not. But this gives me a basis at the very least for evaluation.

What are your thoughts? Any similar experiences? How did you deal with it?

-Geoffrey Simeona

But, I Need Shoes

2009-10-14T21:03:00.002-06:00

A woman, about the age of 50, and her mother walk into a shoe store. Standing at the front of the store is a polite, young man, waiting to greet them and let them know about the BOGO sale. As he says, “Hi. How are you today?” The 50 year old woman stops dead in her tracks, glares at the young man with a deathly stare, exclaims “NO!” and storms out, leaving her poor mother standing in the doorway yelling, “But I need shoes! I need shoes!”
I was that young man and that actually happened to me. I work in the retail industry and am constantly bombarded with awkward situations that can’t be avoided. It’s part of my job to talk to people that I’d rather not talk to. So, lately, I’ve been asking myself the question “why?” Why am I more willing to talk to some people than I am to others?
I’ve decided t is all about the door approach. Part of our policy is to greet everyone. So when you walk through the door you get a “Hi. How are you today?” It is the customers responses that determine whether or not I want to even try to deal with them. They generally fall into one of three categories. First, they are friendly. Second, they completely ignore you. Third, they are rude or make snide comments to you. In general, I tend to help the first group the most.
My question, then, to you fellow bloggers is why the need to be so rude when walking into a store? Leave your comments on your own retail experiences whether you were the employee or the customer. Maybe we can make our shopping experiences just a bit more delightful and won’t have to leave our frail mothers yelling at us “But I need shoes!”

Brodie Smith

Lunch Line Lethargy

2009-10-14T20:59:00.001-06:00

Standing in the lunch line can be one of the most socially uncomfortable experiences. Imagine that you’re standing there, waiting in a line with twenty or so people, none of whom dare to speak a word. As you awkwardly look around you make the mistake of looking the man standing next to you in the eye. You weren’t planning on initiating contact so you quickly turn away.
Why did you just do that?
Do you just not care to talk to anyone right now? Are you afraid of being rejected? Do think he won’t want to have a two minute conversation with you while you wait in line?
Contact with others is an innate human need. Nevertheless, people are becoming more and more willing to do without interpersonal communication on a face to face level just to avoid the possibility of rejection.
Look around you; have you noticed what others in line are doing? It’s likely that at least half of them have headphones in their ears. Do you see the girl looking intently down at absolutely nothing? Then there’s the guy looking anywhere and everywhere but at the people around him.
Chances are that you would make any one of these strangers day by simply saying ‘hello.’ After all, what is more satisfying to you; a cheerful greeting in passing or twenty minutes staring off into space while you wait to buy a sandwich?

-Nova Stakland

Just Passers-By

2009-10-14T20:51:00.003-06:00

Have you ever noticed the loss for words, or even body gestures, that you seem to have when you see someone you know on the sidewalk between classes? Do you freeze up and avoid the situation and keep walking without saying hello or even nodding your head? Turns out this lack of communication has overcome the world we live in here at Brigham Young University.

The awkwardness that we experience isn’t necessarily because we don’t want to say hello. The problem is rooted in our self-confidence. The root of the problem can be summed up, from my observations, as the lack of confidence that we hold when approaching other people in a social atmosphere. This may seem weird, since BYU is full of social bugs, but the cold hard truth is that we don’t have the confidence to even make eye contact with someone as we walk by them

I experience this day in day out while walking the walks of campus. As the person who approaches me gets closer and closer, we tend to look at each other quickly and then quickly act as if we don’t see each other at all. It’s as if the sidewalk has more worth than the person that is walking past.

The question still remains, as I am still at a loss for an answer. Why do we ignore each other? Give us your theory by posting on our blog. Be sure to ask your friends. You can also join our Facebook group and let us hear your experiences. You can find the Facegroup by searching for Missed Communications.

-Mitch Staley