Get Off Your Island

The poet John Donne said, “No man is an island.” While human contact is not yet completely unavoidable, it seems that more and more people are choosing to cut themselves off. Whether it is through technology or simply through the ignoring of others, people seem to be breaking off from the mainland and instituting their own islands of isolation. More and more, I see people forego a simple ‘hello’ in favor of walking past, eyes fixated on the ground. I think it’s time to go back to the not being an island way of things. Human interaction is an essential part of society. By interaction I do not mean facebook or texting or email. I mean face to face conversation, whether it’s just a few words or a full blown discussion. I know that even the simplest of greetings often makes my day a million times better. Saying hello does not have to be awkward or weird. So, please, the next time you pass someone on the sidewalk smile or say hello and observe how they react. Probably, they will smile back and go on to a better day.

-Nova Stakland

Breakdown Does Not Beget Breakdown

Picture this, if you will. You are driving home and your car breaks down two blocks from home. As you are stranded in the middle of the road at 1 in the morning, some friendly BYU students stop to push you into the nearest McDonalds parking lot. You lock your car and hope that it doesn't get towed. The next morning you make a phone call to see how much it would be to tow your car to an auto shop.It's $40 just for the tow. Before you have it towed there, however, you walk down to McDonalds just to make sure that your car hasn't already been towed and impounded.


As you walk, you find the holy grail: an auto shop right next to McDonalds! You walk in and get things taken care of. As you are waiting a friendly stranger strikes up a conversation with you: asks if your a student, where your from, and of course, what's wrong with your car. As you leave, the friendly stranger tells you to have a good day and flashes a pretty big smile your way. SUCCESS! Even though your car broke down, communication did not! Let's all try to be a bit more like the friendly strangers this week!

-Brodie Smith

Upcoming Videos

Soon the study will be posting videos of awkward communications. Stay up with us and hear what random people have to say about their experiences with missed-communication.

On a side note; If you're walking down the sidewalk and see someone you know don't say hi, just make eye contact and walk on by. See for yourself what makes missed communication so awkward!

-Mitch

Elevator Confinement

Do you hate stairs? Let me guess, you love the elevator, am I right? Let’s chat elevator talk. I would much rather take the elevator than climb up those thousands of steps to campus. You get all sweaty, you’re out of breath, and you wish to never experience that again. Therefore, you choose to take the elevator. Sure it’s awkward, sharing a 4.5ft X 6ft X 7ft box with a complete stranger. Both breathing each other’s oxygen and sharing the space in that small box. Sometimes smashed up against someone you do not know. But it beats taking the stairs, doesn’t it?

Waiting outside of the elevator. I look right and left, perfect, no one here. 4… 3… 2… I check my phone, plenty of time to get to class. My elevator has arrived and two people walk out. I enter quickly and press my floor number as well as the “close doors” button. A hand appears out of nowhere and stops the doors from closing. A fellow student walks into the elevator with me. I try to look at my elevator companion without turning my head. I utter not a sound when accompanied in the elevator. I would never think to strike a conversation with this stranger in such a confined box. Why? Why am I so shy to make small talk with my elevator companion? I am not generally such a shy individual, chatting with others usually comes easily. But when inside that box, I would never make a sound. What if I were to get stuck for hours in that elevator with that one stranger? How do elevators make you feel? Does your instinct to communicate shut down when those elevator doors close like mine do?

-Nena Smith

The Silent Bus Treatment

You are waiting at the bus stop. You have finished the day of classes. You’re sitting on the bench quietly yet your mind continues to race with thoughts about homework, projects, quizzes, tests, maybe even work as you leave campus. Day in and day out you notice the same people waiting like you for the same bus. The guy you have seen numerous times with his bike. The girl with the trendy haircut, bangs pulled to the opposite direction. The single mother with her baby and stroller. The guy that speaks only Spanish and dresses in the trendiest clothing. The girl with the pink backpack always on her cell phone. Do you know their names? Do you know where they are from? Do you know anything about them? Nope. Just that every day they are riding the same bus route at the same time. How could it be that someone you see almost every day is an absolute stranger to you?
The long and silent wait for the bus. The even longer silent ride on the bus. A simple smile is extremely rare and a simple nod is asking a lot. Why is everyone always in an uninviting daze or glare. Why is it that people don’t engage others while riding the bus? The same route, the same people, the same results. Books are open, head phones on, cell phones out but you are hard press to find a healthy conversation anywhere.
I am interested to know why this is the case. Please post your reasons and justifications to why you feel we do this?

-Cody Sprecken

Fight or Flight

Walter Cannon used his “Fight or Flight response” theory to explain the reaction of animals to potentially threatening situations. When applied to the awkward and exciting social atmosphere of your average BYU student, we find interesting parallels and insights to communication.

For example, just last week I was at the Cougar-eat around noon (the busiest and worst possible time to want to grab a bite there) standing in line with a friend to get a chicken burrito when I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a girl that I remembered from my Shakespeare class last semester. We weren’t close friends, but we weren’t complete strangers. I was behind her in line, so I noticed that she kept checking back for me. Did she want to initiate a conversation? Should I say ‘hi’ or just brush off the encounter entirely? Would I be sincere in wanting to know how here semester is going or would it just be a nuisance? Fight or flight? This interested me. What motivates me to say ‘hi’ to some acquaintances or just continue not acknowledging their presence?

Plato theorized that, “wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” Are we that profound in our interactions with people? Probably not. But this gives me a basis at the very least for evaluation.

What are your thoughts? Any similar experiences? How did you deal with it?

-Geoffrey Simeona

But, I Need Shoes

A woman, about the age of 50, and her mother walk into a shoe store. Standing at the front of the store is a polite, young man, waiting to greet them and let them know about the BOGO sale. As he says, “Hi. How are you today?” The 50 year old woman stops dead in her tracks, glares at the young man with a deathly stare, exclaims “NO!” and storms out, leaving her poor mother standing in the doorway yelling, “But I need shoes! I need shoes!”
I was that young man and that actually happened to me. I work in the retail industry and am constantly bombarded with awkward situations that can’t be avoided. It’s part of my job to talk to people that I’d rather not talk to. So, lately, I’ve been asking myself the question “why?” Why am I more willing to talk to some people than I am to others?
I’ve decided t is all about the door approach. Part of our policy is to greet everyone. So when you walk through the door you get a “Hi. How are you today?” It is the customers responses that determine whether or not I want to even try to deal with them. They generally fall into one of three categories. First, they are friendly. Second, they completely ignore you. Third, they are rude or make snide comments to you. In general, I tend to help the first group the most.
My question, then, to you fellow bloggers is why the need to be so rude when walking into a store? Leave your comments on your own retail experiences whether you were the employee or the customer. Maybe we can make our shopping experiences just a bit more delightful and won’t have to leave our frail mothers yelling at us “But I need shoes!”

Brodie Smith

Lunch Line Lethargy

Standing in the lunch line can be one of the most socially uncomfortable experiences. Imagine that you’re standing there, waiting in a line with twenty or so people, none of whom dare to speak a word. As you awkwardly look around you make the mistake of looking the man standing next to you in the eye. You weren’t planning on initiating contact so you quickly turn away.
Why did you just do that?
Do you just not care to talk to anyone right now? Are you afraid of being rejected? Do think he won’t want to have a two minute conversation with you while you wait in line?
Contact with others is an innate human need. Nevertheless, people are becoming more and more willing to do without interpersonal communication on a face to face level just to avoid the possibility of rejection.
Look around you; have you noticed what others in line are doing? It’s likely that at least half of them have headphones in their ears. Do you see the girl looking intently down at absolutely nothing? Then there’s the guy looking anywhere and everywhere but at the people around him.
Chances are that you would make any one of these strangers day by simply saying ‘hello.’ After all, what is more satisfying to you; a cheerful greeting in passing or twenty minutes staring off into space while you wait to buy a sandwich?

-Nova Stakland

Just Passers-By

Have you ever noticed the loss for words, or even body gestures, that you seem to have when you see someone you know on the sidewalk between classes? Do you freeze up and avoid the situation and keep walking without saying hello or even nodding your head? Turns out this lack of communication has overcome the world we live in here at Brigham Young University.

The awkwardness that we experience isn’t necessarily because we don’t want to say hello. The problem is rooted in our self-confidence. The root of the problem can be summed up, from my observations, as the lack of confidence that we hold when approaching other people in a social atmosphere. This may seem weird, since BYU is full of social bugs, but the cold hard truth is that we don’t have the confidence to even make eye contact with someone as we walk by them

I experience this day in day out while walking the walks of campus. As the person who approaches me gets closer and closer, we tend to look at each other quickly and then quickly act as if we don’t see each other at all. It’s as if the sidewalk has more worth than the person that is walking past.

The question still remains, as I am still at a loss for an answer. Why do we ignore each other? Give us your theory by posting on our blog. Be sure to ask your friends. You can also join our Facebook group and let us hear your experiences. You can find the Facegroup by searching for Missed Communications.

-Mitch Staley